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How And Where To Meet Eligible men - Part 2

2009-11-06T16:19:00.000-05:00

Attending church in search of an eligible woman sometimes works
out - especially if the church sponsors dances, parties and
group outings - but in many instances, you'll find that these
church-going singles are either religious fanatics or neurotics.

The religious fanatic is a woman to run away from, as far as and
as fast as you can, unless you're on a heavy duty religious trip
yourself. As for the neurotics, they're generally hung-up with
guilt, anger, or martyrdom from previous experiences with men.

With a "swinging" personality, you can generally score well in
the bars and taverns. The thing is, you have to "find" the bars
or taverns that are frequented by the age group and kind of
women that meet your needs.

You'll find that the "higher class" women frequent the "motor
inn" and hotel bars. About all you have to do is drop by and
join in all the action when there's a convention or ing of
people from out of town in one of these places. It's then that
you'll find many of the "local eligibles" out on the town, plus
of course a lot of women from out of town who are looking for
men. In this kind of situation, most of the women are easy to
pick up on, and most of them are in no big hurry to make any
real commitments.

To find the action - where there's sure to be lots of eligible
women looking for men - look in your local paper... Look for
advertisements announcing square dances, neighborhood picnics,
travel tours, and of course, festivals or similar special
events. When you go to one of these activities, you've got to
mingle with people there - keep your eyes open for a woman that
may be the one you're looking for - and then, do your thing to
become acquainted with her. Remember, once you spot a woman
you'd like to get to know, it's all up to you whether you become
acquainted or let her slip through your fingers.

Another one of the surest places of meeting eligible women is
the evening classes at your local colleges. If you're not
familiar with their services, just give the college office a
call and ask them to put you on their mailing list for bulletins
and notices of up-coming classes being offered. Most colleges
are now offering any number of seminars, classes and even short
courses designed to help people rebuilding their lives after a
divorce. These sessions are almost always "filled to capacity"
with the majority of those attending, recently divorced women!
By the same token, for whatever reason, most divorced women
return to college to either finish their education or to take
some special course that will give them some sort of edge in
finding work. Check it out for yourself - it's almost a
phenomena the way divorced women are flocking back to college.

Finally, and if you have the time for it, you'll find an
unlimited supply of eligible women in the cafeterias of just
about any large office building, particularly government office
buildings. What you do is drop in and have lunch - become a
regular - look the scene over and "reach out" for one that
appeals to you.

Remember, spotting a woman you'd like to have is no big deal -
The important thing is forget your shyness, inhibitions, and
fears of rejections - Just walk right up to her and say
something like: Hello, I think I'd like to get to know you -
could we talk for a minute or too?

Try it! You'll be pleasantly surprised with the results! After
all, the women are wanting to meet you just as badly as you want
to meet them!

How And Where To Meet Eligible Men - Part 1

2009-11-05T16:18:00.000-05:00

A lot of guys will undoubtedly dispute this, but really - there
are more eligible women running around loose today than there
are men! In fact, all you've got to do to prove it to yourself
is to take a look at the latest census figures relative to the
number of men versus women in this country.

We're talking about unmarried women between the ages of 18 and
60... Believe it! There are more women than men available! In
other words, there's at least one woman for every man that's
looking for a woman.

It's a part of human nature for people to want to belong to
someone of the opposite sex, and to have someone of the opposite
sex they even think of as belonging to them. The human
equilibrium cannot operate for long without inner-action with
other people, and for total health/adjustment in the world we
live in, not without inner-action with someone of the opposite
sex.

Perhaps because of the "women's liberation movement", the recent
recessions and high unemployment problems, the way the current
generation was brought up expecting everything all at once, the
increasing dependence upon drugs to give us pep or sooth our
nerves, and at least a dozen other reasons - the number of women
ending their marriages with divorce are out of hand... Indeed,
the latest figures on the number of divorces filed within the
past six months show that one out of every two marriages are
falling apart!

This is putting a lot of women in the marketplace, all of them
looking for men. They may claim that they "hate" men and that
they don't care if they ever see, talk to, or associate with men
again - but that's all "madness" relative to their divorces. At
the bottom line, every woman that has ever walked the face of
this old earth has or does want a man to call her own!

So, if you're a man and you're out looking for a woman. - One of
the first things you should get straight in your own mind is
what do you want a woman for, how long do you want her, and from
there, what kind of woman will it take to satisfy your needs
Your needs will vary with your moods, your financial situation,
and your own lifestyle or mental adjustment to the world around
you.

Thus, when you meet an eligible woman that you think can satisfy
your needs, it would behove you first to do a little bit
"analytical reading" pertaining to her needs for a man. The more
you can "find out" what she's looking for, and satisfy her
needs, the easier it'll be for you to pick one that can satisfy
your needs.

In other words, if she's on a "heavy duty trip" into women's
lib, and you want someone to move in with you to wash the dishes
and make your bed, you're liable to be wasting your time even
attempting to talk to this woman. On the other hand, if she's
just recovering from a divorce and seems to be trying to prove
to the world that she's the sexiest and best lover to come down
the pike in a month of Sundays, and you're out looking for a one
night stand, then this is probably the woman you should be
trying to pick up on.

What we're advocating and advising is simply this: The more, and
faster you can "read'' what a woman is looking for, the faster
and easier it's going to be for you meet the kinds of women
you're looking for... For sure though, it's up to you to
converse and/or appeal to any woman's wants if you want to make
any headway with her.

About meeting women, introducing yourself and becoming
acquainted... You've got to understand, and believe it for a
fact, that in this day and age, most women are almost always
looking for an eligible man...

Thus, when you see a woman that appeals to you at the bus stop,
don't be afraid to say hello to her and attempt to strike up
some sort of conversation. Women very rarely bite, and in these
times, women are not prone to put a man down for being friendly.
If you're looking for a woman, you've got to notice them
anywhere and wherever you see them - and then, open your mouth -
let them know that you'd like to get to know them!

The easiest and surest way of meeting eligible women is through
the social activities of your local "singles" clubs, such as
Parents Without Partners, Singles International, and Servetus.
Most such groups sponsor regular dances, dinner parties, rap
sessions, and any number of other activities designed to bring
divorced and/or single people together.

Lonely Hearts Correspondence Clubs are okay, but in many of them
you'll find the memberships inundated by women trying to sell
you something or with some sort of designs to deal you out of
your money. Then too, meeting someone via correspondence -
learning to love them as a result of what they write in their
letters to you - is sometimes disappointing and a hard situation
to get out of, when you finally do meet in person.

Most of the Date-A-Mate services are okay, particularly those
that employ video tape interviews, but the prices you pay for
their introductions are outlandish. Generally, the success rate
of these services - that of matching you with a woman that you
end up marrying, and staying married to her - is less than
10-percent. Some of them are just glorified "dating or escort"
services.

Stay tuned for part 2.

How And Where To Meet Eligible Men - Part 2

2009-11-04T16:16:00.000-05:00

Most of the Date-A-Mate services are okay, particularly those
that employ video tape interviews, but the prices you pay for
their introductions are beyond reason. Generally, the success
rate of these services - that of matching you with a man that
you end marrying, and staying married to him - is less than
10-percent. Some of them are just glorified "dating or escort"
services.

Attending church in search of an eligible man sometimes works
out, especially if the church sponsors dances, parties and group
outings. However, there's not as many eligible men going to
church in search of eligible women these days as there used to
be.

If you have an outgoing personality and enjoy the whole scene,
you can generally find lots of eligible men in the bars and
taverns. The thing is, you have to "find" the bars or taverns
that are frequented by the age group and kind of men that meet
your needs.

You'll find a lot of "more financially secure" men in the better
"motor inn" and hotel bars. About all you have to do is drop by
and join in all the action when there's a convention or
gathering of people from out of town in one of these places.
It's then that you'll find many of the "local eligibles" out on
the town, plus of course a lot of men from out of town who are
looking for women. In this kind of situation, most of the man
will make the first move and once you become acquainted, they
won't be in any big hurry to make any real commitments.

To find the action - where there's sure to be lots of eligible
men - look in your local newspaper... Look for advertisements
announcing square dances, neighborhood picnics, travel tours,
and of course, festivals or similar special events. When you go
to one of these activities, you've got to mingle with the people
there, keep your eyes open for a man that may be the one you're
looking for, and then - do your thing to become acquainted with
him. Once you spot a man you'd like to become acquainted with,
it's basically all up to you whether you do or don't.

Another one of the surest places of meeting eligible men is in
the evening classes at your local colleges. If you're not
familiar with their services, just give the college office a
call and ask them to put you on their mailing list for bulletins
and notices of up-coming classes being offered.

Most colleges are now offering any number of seminars, classes
and even short courses designed to help people rebuilding their
lives after a divorce. These classes are always well-attended,
and those that attend are eligible. One of the best ways of
meeting new friends while improving yourself.

Finally, and by all means, enlist the help of your friend and
co-workers in helping you to meet new men. Tell them you'll be
happy to come to their parties if they'll invite some of the
eligible men they or their friends know. And then, you should
have few parties, invite your friends and ask them to bring
along or invite some of their unattached male friends.

Work is generally an easy place to become acquainted with
eligible men, but there are any number of risks involved - such
as those that are already married. The important thing is to
make your self available - know what kind of man you want - and
then do what is necessary to meet him.

Stay tuned, women your next!

How And Where To Meet Eligible Men - Part 1

2009-11-03T16:06:00.000-05:00

So you're a woman looking for a man... First off, you have to
"know" what kind of man you're looking for, and then go wherever
it is you'll most likely find that kind of man...

What kind of man are you looking for? It's a new world we live
in, and believe it or not, you can find whatever kind of man it
is you want! If you're looking for a husband, a meal ticket, a
sugar-daddy, a lover, a father, or a companion - there's a man
out there for you. The problem is, of course, to find the man
that has enough of "all the things you want in a man" to satisfy
you.

There are lots of eligible men available, and with just a little
bit of intelligence, there's no honest reason why any woman
wanting a man cannot find the man of her choice. The thing is,
as mentioned already - you've got to know what kind of man you
want, and where you'll most likely find him - and then, reach
for him.

Men are just like women - they want a woman they can belong to,
and call their own. People have to interact with other people in
order to maintain a healthy equilibrium; and men have to
interact with women on a personal basis in order to go on
living. These are undeniable facts relative to the nature of
human beings.

Most men have the same kind of shyness, inhibitions, and fears
of rejection that women have - the only difference being that
the male of our species has been trying to cope with these
feelings in regards to meeting women, a lot longer than women
have in regard to meeting men. But it's a new world - there's a
lot more women out looking for men - and a lot of men seem to be
caught up in their own problems, and unaware of the eligible
women around that might like to become acquainted with them.
Thus, it's now necessary for a woman to make the first move when
she spots a man that interests her and he doesn't make that
first move.

What we're saying is simply this: Nowadays, whenever and
wherever you spot a man that you'd like to get to know, and for
whatever reasons, he doesn't seem to notice you, for sure, you
should make that first move towards becoming acquainted. Say
you're at a dance and you spot a man that interests you, by all
means don't be hesitant to walk over and ask him if he'd like to
dance with you. Or should you be having coffee somewhere and you
spot a special man, simply tell him that you don't like being
alone and would he like to join you.

Really, there's honestly nothing out-of-line or brazen about
spotting a man that interests you, walking up to him, and
telling him you find him appealing enough that you'd like to
find out more about him. Most men will be flattered by your
attentions, and if they are the kind of man you "sized" them up
to be, they'll appreciate your breaking the ice for them. One
other thing to understand - women are almost always "looking
for" men while most men are where they are, doing what they are
doing, for any one of a million different reasons.

In essence, you meet eligible men by frequenting the places
you're most-likely to find the kind of man you want to meet. You
have to make yourself available. Then too, if you spot a man you
think might be one that you'd like to get to know better and he
doesn't make the first move towards the two of you becoming
acquainted, you should make that first move.

It's as simple as that. In most instances, the same fear and
shyness - maybe even embarrassment - you're feeling, is haunting
the man, and unless one of you makes that first move, another
opportunity will have slipped through your fingers. Don't be
afraid to walk right up to a man and tell him: You look as
though you're all alone - do you want to talk for a minute or
two...

We know of some women looking for men, perhaps because of an
inability to just walk up to a man and start talking or maybe
just because they have a flair for innovative approaches to the
idea, have had business cards printed up, and hand them out to
the men they see that look interesting to them. The wording on
the one that most appealed to us was as follows: Hello there...
Please forgive my intrusion, but you strike me as someone I
should know. My name is Mary Anderson, and if you've got a spare
minute or two, you might give me a call at 123-4567...

You've got to have it firmly in your mind, the kind of man you
want to meet. Then you've got to make yourself available in the
kind of places that kind of man is most-likely to frequent.

Most assuredly, when you search for such a man, you should look,
dress, and act according to what you feel will most appeal to
that type of man. All men notice a woman who looks good, so you
should do whatever is necessary to bring out your best features
- a little make-up in the right places, a new hairstyle, a few
figure-flattering clothes - and the kind of conduct that you
feel will appeal to your kind of man.

Now then, the easiest and surest way of meeting eligible men is
through the social activities of your local "singles" club such
as Parents Without Partners, Singles International, and
Servetus. Most such groups sponsor regular dances, dinner
parties, rap sessions, and any number of other activities
designed to bring divorced and/or single people together.

Lonely Hearts Correspondence Clubs are okay, but then.. meeting
someone via correspondence, and learning to love them as result
of what they write in their letters to you, is sometimes
disappointing and a hard situation to get out of when you
finally do meet them face-to-face.

Stay tuned for part 2.

How To Re-Organize For Happiness After A Divorce

2009-11-02T16:05:00.000-05:00

The big thing about going through the experience of a divorce is
that it leaves you completely worn out and drained of desire to
go on with your life. Typically, divorces shatter the hopes and
dreams - the ambitions - of both parties involved. Most of the
time, the one who's been victimized feels that he or she has no
more purpose or inspiration for achievement. He or she feels
that whatever they do, it won't matter to the person they most
wanted to do for, so what does it matter what they do with
themselves.

This is the wrong kind of thinking! You musn't let yourself
think along these lines! Divorce is terribly hard and an
emotional blow that's difficult to recover from, but it should
not be "taken" as the end of everything. You have to accept it
as the end of one period or chapter of your life; look at it as
an opportunity for a new beginning, and build a better you from
there.

Above all else, don't panic. If you panic, you can't think, and
in order to make any progress in life, you've got to think.
Don't get dramatic and over dramatize your woes either in your
imagination or in words - spoken or written. If your immediate
situation seems overwhelming and you're unable to see how you'll
ever make it through the next week, don't start crying and
feeling sorry for yourself - it will only bog you down with the
inability to think clearly.

Don't allow yourself to engage in post-mortems and/or nurse
regrets. It's important that you forget about the past - let it
rest - there's nothing you can do to change it - accept your
situation as it is, and build your life to what you want it to
be from this moment onward.

One of the most important things for you to do is to list on
paper exactly, your present situation and then, one at a time,
list your options and possible solutions to each problem. Don't
worry about finding a solution for everything all at once; just
try to see clearly what your next step ought to be.

Always ask yourself what the right course is - remembering that
if what you do isn't right, then it's wrong; and no wrong action
ever works out right.

It's imperative that you understand the emotional injury of your
situation, but at the same time, it's also imperative that you
not stand still. In other words, you must quickly - without
delay - regain control of your life and get on with the
attainment of all your ambitions.

You do this by expunging the past, taking stock of your present
situation, and making plans for the rest of your life - by
deciding what you want out of life and how you intend to get
what you want. Do it on paper and set realistic goals for
yourself, as well as dates for attainment.

Happiness in life is a feeling of inner satisfaction you feel
when you enjoy whatever you do - your work, your leisure time
activities, the people you associate with, and acceptance by the
people you most to impress...

It doesn't come from harboring grudges - from attempting to be
something you're not - from expecting the world and/or the
people around you to cater to your problems or desires - or from
your position or status in life...

Indeed, happiness comes from your association and inner-action
with other people. Thus, following a divorce, you must
immediately begin mingling with other people and not only be
empathetic relative to ways in which you can help them, but also
interested in them as people. The more you reach out to help
others, the more help you'll receive in return; and at the
bottom line, the greater your own personal happiness.

So, in order to attain happiness after a painful divorce - you
must "close the book" on everything in the past; take stock of
your present situation; lay out a "game plan" for what kind of
life you want; start moving in a positive direction to achieve
your ambitions; and even if you have to force yourself, make new
friends and enjoy yourself.

Don't go around sizing up or evaluating every man or woman you
meet as a possible candidate for your next marriage - get on
with your life - do what you have to do to attain your ambitions
- inter-mingle with people and be a real friend - give yourself
and other people a chance - and when the time is right, love
will find you again.

You musn't go looking for happiness or love for as surely as you
do; you'll never find it. You must be satisfied with yourself as
a person - whatever it is you're doing, you're doing your best;
attempting to always improve yourself; and you're moving in a
positive direction towards the fulfillment of the kind of person
you want to be - and, you enjoy mingling with people; talking
with them; helping them; and doing things with them.

Remember, to attain success in life you have to know what it is
you want and how to get there. Once you're on a positive road
towards the attainment of success, you'll find that it will come
easily and quickly. With a positive direction in life, you'll
feel better about yourself and associating with other people as
a friend will come about automatically. You'll no longer think
about the world or other people as threatening - in fact, you'll
enjoy being alive and the dawning of each new day - and that's
when you will really be happy.

Again, it's a matter of getting on with your life - of
forgetting about the past and moving positively towards the
things that you want in life. Give in to the hurt you feel and
you'll surely waste away - Consider this a new start in life and
it can all be yours - whatever you do, the choice is yours...

How To Regain Your Self-Confidence After A Divorce - Part 2

2009-10-30T16:03:00.000-04:00

Relative to the kind of person you want to become - you want
others to think of you as - and the kind of happiness you seek -
it is imperative that you learn to manage your money
intelligently. Money by itself won't bring happiness, but by
using money properly and making it work for you, it can
alleviate many of your problems.

Somewhere along the line, you've got to know, understand, and
work out your transportation requirements. In this day and age,
you have to have transportation to get to the places downtown,
across town, or even to the grocery store. Don't take anything
for granted or expect it to work itself out. Analyze all of your
possible needs, consider all your options, and then plan for
every situation, including emergencies.

Very definitely, you should give yourself time to relax and
socialize with other people. If you haven't been too friendly of
late with your next door neighbor, or the people in your block,
then get out and renew those acquaintances. Get out of your
"closet" and pay them a visit, or invite them into your home for
coffee. Let people know that you're alive and well - that you're
worth knowing as a friend and neighbor.

It may be difficult during this time to do much socializing
because everything you see or do reminds you of the past - and
with this in mind, it's a good idea to check into the social
activities sponsored by your local churches, civic
organizations, and even the singles clubs. Don't "go out" to
replace the love you've lost or to find the "real true love" of
your life. Just go out to be with people, to enjoy yourself, and
get your mind off your problems.

No, you won't be able to forget the hurt you've gone through nor
become a new person overnight. It will take some time, longer
for some people than others. But the important thing is
regaining your confidence following a divorce is to know that
you are someone of worth - believe it - acknowledge that you can
be the kind of person you want to be - set your sights on
becoming/attaining all your ambitions - do what's really
necessary to fulfilling your dreams, and go for them.

This is a new beginning for you. A chance to really prove to
yourself that you can do it. Know what you want - be honest with
yourself in understanding what you have to do to get what you
want - and then let nothing stand in your way until you get
precisely what you want. It can be yours, but you have to make
it all happen!

How To Regain Your Self-Confidence After A Divorce - Part 1

2009-10-29T16:02:00.000-04:00

Regaining one's self-confidence following a divorce is not an
easy thing to do. As we've stated in all the previous articles
within this series of reports on how to recover from a divorce,
the blow to your inner-being is traumatic and long-lasting.

Probably the first thing you should do is to take stock of
yourself and set about improving the way you look. This could
mean a new hairdo, a haircut, new makeup, and new clothes. Get
yourself organized to look your best, because when you feel that
you look good, you will look good.

It's easy to spot people who have suffered traumatic experiences
because of the way they look. Their appearance, their clothes,
the way they talk and act - it's all quite apparent to an
observer that these people feel down and out - they feel that
life has played a dirty trick on them - and their self-esteem is
not very high.

The next thing you should do is get involved in some sort of
meaningful work.

If you're already a part of the working force, ask for more
responsibility or more challenging assignments. Get involved in
the areas in which you excel, and show your bosses as well as
yourself what you can do with exemplary expertise. Take stock of
the promotional opportunities where you work - set your sights
on a better position - and go for it.

If you're out of work or don't have a job, then take stock of
the things that you can do, make up or have a resume of your
capabilities typed out, look in the newspapers - the yellow
pages of your telephone book - visit your state employment
office, and the employment agencies in your area - submit your
resume and get yourself a job. Nothing boosts a person ego,
self-esteem, personal confidence, and inner dignity like getting
a job Don't be discouraged - part of the reason it's so hard to
find a job is because of the trauma you're experiencing - keep
trying and you'll succeed.

If you're retired or well-off to the extent that there's no need
for you to find a wage-paying job, then volunteer your expertise
to organizations and people who will benefit from your knowledge
and experience. The welfare agencies are always looking for
people to teach others how to keep house, cook meals, and care
for children. You might even consider organizing a business or
putting together classes of some sort to help people with their
problems and/or inexperience.

The next thing you should do is make up a budget to live by, and
determine to become the best "money manager" who ever lived. Few
people live according to a budget, and consequently, most people
are over their heads in debt.

Stay tuned for part 2.

How To Build Your Self-Esteem After A Divorce

2009-10-28T16:00:00.000-04:00

Your self-esteem - what you think of yourself in relation to
other people - is the basic secret of your success or failure in
life.

It's really as simple as that... Think well of yourself, and
you'll do well. Think disparagingly of yourself, and you'll
probably not do very well at all .

Regardless of whether you're the perpetrator or the victim, the
experience of going through a divorce is going to damage your
self-esteem. In fact, the blow dealt to one's self-esteem by
divorce is lethal enough to drive anyone to the brink of
insanity.

What you must do is think of your divorce - the end of your
marriage - as you would the death of a loved one. Basically,
that's what it is!

There is a period of burial or of letting go; a period of
feeling guilty because you didn't do or say all the things you
might have; a period of anger because it didn't work out the way
you dreamed it would; a period of reconciliation in which you
think maybe if you try again, it'll all work out; and finally, a
period of acceptance.

Everyone who has ever been through a divorce or is still
recovering from one, has either lived through each of these
"recovery stages," or is still in one of them. It's all normal,
and a part of the necessary healing that has to take place
before you are able to recognize and enjoy happiness again.

Even so, the most important and the very first thing you must do
following the break-up of any kind of relationship, is to get
started on the rebuilding of your self-esteem.

This means that you have to accept the fact that neither you or
anyone else is perfect - determine that you will learn from your
mistakes - and that you will become whatever it is you aspire to
be...

Immediately, do something that makes you feel good - something
you've been wanting to do for some time - or always wanted to
do. This could be getting a new hair-do, buying a new suit,
enrolling in a special self-improvement course, starting a
business, or even taking an extended vacation.

You musn't lock yourself in your house or apartment. You musn't
be afraid to get out and associate with people. You musn't stop
wanting to enjoy life!

You may have to force yourself, but you must "forget" about
mourning your loss and continue on with your life. You must go
on with your life with a stronger determination than ever, to be
the person you want to be. Don't "beat yourself over the head"
with feelings of guilt. Get rid of your anger as quickly as
possible. Forget about the past. Get on with the rest of your
life without delay!

Revitalize those ambitions that have been "hidden away" in the
back of your mind, and consider this particular time in your
life as an opportunity for a new start. Do some introspection
relative to what it is you want out of life; reorganize your
time and efforts to attain those objectives; and go for it with
all you've got!

After all has been said and done, the kind of person you are and
how you get along in the world you live in, is up to you. The
most powerful assistance for attaining happiness anyone has, is
in what he or she says, feels, and believes about himself or
herself. When things are not quite right, the first thing that
needs to be changed is your disposition - your attitude,
feelings towards other people, and your emotional responses.
Think about your facial expressions and the tone of your voice
when you're talking with other people. Being aware of these
things with consideration towards other people, will "bring you
out of your-self" and allow other people to want to know more
about you.

You have to forget about, and let go of, the past. Anything and
everything that happened yesterday is long gone and cannot be
changed. You have the rest of your life from this moment on, to
achieve love - happiness - fame and fortune.

Whatever it is you want in life can be yours. All that's
necessary to make any dream come true is a true understanding of
what you want, and determination on your part to make it all
happen according to your plan. Think about what you want -
prepare yourself to get it - focus your efforts on the
fulfillment of your ambitions - and there's nothing that can
stop you from total realization!

So, the first thing relative to rebuilding one's self-esteem -
following a divorce, or the loss of a loved one by any
circumstances - is to understand why you hurt, and what is
necessary in order to be happy again. It essential that you
think of YOURSELF in terms of the kind of life you want for
yourself; know that you can have it all because you've laid the
foundation, done your homework, and you're on a positive road
towards achievement; and then get busy "making tracks" in that
direction.

In simple terms - it hurts, but you're not dead - you're only
wasting time thinking about or rehashing the past because
there's no way anything that happened yesterday or the day
before can be changed - so quickly pick up the pieces, and get
on with your life!

Wanting to "get well," and/or to "make something out of your
life," is half the battle!

How To Build Your Life After A Divorce - Part 2

2009-10-27T15:57:00.000-04:00

Your best opportunities for meeting new friends and possible
marriage partners are within the normal course of business and
social events. It's also generally within your best interests to
join in the activities of a local Singles Organization such as
Parents Without Partners or Singles International. Then too, you
should ask your friends and co-workers to introduce you to
people they know that you might enjoy.

With your dates, you should avoid talking about your ex-spouse.
If you feel you have to talk about your divorce, pick a special
friend or attend some of the organized "rap sessions" for
divorced persons in your area.

You should also avoid introducing your dates or new friends too
quickly to your children. Such introductions too quickly can
have innumerable adverse effects on everyone concerned.

You'l1 find that sexual freedom and less formal lifestyles have
definitely changed the etiquette of dating over the last few
decades. As an example, a man should not be surprised if after
asking a woman out a few times, she asks him out. And a woman
should not be hesitant to ask a man out for a backyard barbeque
or even to a movie she'd like to see. Men should also realize
that women make up their minds about sex more quickly these days
than in years past. A woman of today generally isn't thought of
as being a loose woman if she decides to sleep with a man on the
first date.

Much of the romance and magic of the traditional courtship game
still works. Soft music, candlelight, and good food are still
very much in vogue. Even the grand gesture of an evening on the
town in style or a spur of the moment trip to the beach or to a
hideaway in the mountains.

Regardless of the pain, the bitterness, or exasperation, it's
essential that you remember your children and continue to be a
good parent. In fact, you should do all within your means to be
a better parent than you may have been before the separation.
This is because regardless of how they seem to be taking it, or
what they do or don't show, divorce is more often than not
harder on the children than on the parents. They usually become
much more curious about your day-to-day routine, who you're
seeing and your happiness.

Just remember, time and people will cure all your ills, and you
will be happy again!

How To Rebuild Your Life After A Divorce - Part 1

2009-10-26T15:55:00.001-04:00

Suddenly you're single after years of marriage. This always
results in a serious blow to the old ego of at least one of the
persons involved. It's a traumatic experience - a time that's
very difficult to live through - and a feeling that isn't easy
to recover from - yet life does and must go on.

When divorce occurs, and you feel as though your life has been
shattered, the first thing you should do is start leading the
life of a single person immediately! You should force yourself
to make a date at least once a week. Start noticing other
people, join in the activities of the singles crowd, and get
back into the swing of things.

Stay tuned for part 2.

Indeed, the sooner you start dating, even if it's only dinner
with someone you work with, sooner the pain will subside.
Basically, you should just out and not concern yourself with the
"yes or no" possibilities of a sexual encounter.

It's most important however that you don't expect too much of
yourself too soon. Generallyy it takes about two years for the
victim of a divorce to get over the hurt and for most of the
scars to heal. Anyone thinking or believing they're ready for
any kind of permanent relationship in less time, is probably
living in a world of make believe and heading for a repeat of
past mistakes.

Numerous "brief" sexual encounters are the usual pattern of
recently divorced persons. The are usually quite useful in
rebuilding one's self-esteem. By the same token, extended
periods of celibacy usually follow a couple of weeks or a month
of feverish sexual activity. These times are also normal and
useful in the overall healing process.

Often-times older persons suddenly find that achievement makes
them attractive to the opposite sex. Prestige and age are
attractive, but in divorced persons, they are very often an
aphrodisiac. The bottom line is simply that younger people often
have "affairs" with those older than themselves, but usually,
they want "permanent partners" closer to their own age. In
otherwords, prestige and age will get you sex, but it will very
seldom bring you love.

As a newly divorced person, you'll probably experience several
"transitional relationships." These are also a necessary part of
your healing process, and though you may think you care a great
deal about them at the time, it's best that you remember these
are only temporary encounters with transitional partners. You
needn't feel guilty about breaking off one of these
relationships because you may very well be someone's
transitional partner later on in your life.

Stay tuned for part 2.

Basic Steps to Recover From A Divorce (LONG POST)

2009-10-23T16:00:00.001-04:00

When you've been the "victim" of a divorce, the first thing you
MUST UNDERSTAND and BEGIN BELIEVING is that YOU ARE NOT GOING TO
DIE BECAUSE OF IT- Regardless of how badly you feel, you must
realize that it has happened to millions of people before you;
it is happening to countless people every day; and it will
continue to happen to millions of people so long as there is
love, marriage and divorce.

Although you may never have felt such pain in your life before,
YOU WILL GET OVER IT. It takes time, but you will recover and
find love again. It's imperative that you understand this, and
believe it, even if you have to write it in big letters on your
bedroom mirror, type it out on a 3 x 5 card you carry with you
in your wallet, or say it aloud to yourself every hour on the
hour.

You must at the same time, understand that people suffering from
divorce go through certain predictable phases of thinking and
acting as they begin to recover. In order to cope with the
insecurity, uncertainty, and emotional damage you've suffered,
you should understand that it's only natural that you go through
each of these phases, and that as a result, you will again be a
happy person.

Perhaps the second hardest thing the person who has been
"victimized" in a divorce has to do is let go. It's vitally
important that you immediately let go of the other person;
realize that the marriage is over, and begin setting your own
life in order.

Of course all of this is much easier said or written than done,
but these things you must do, and you must do them - or get
started on them - immediately. You've got to think about
yourself - finding some sort of work with which to support
yourself, and maybe your kids; writing out a plan for the
management of your money; figuring out your transportation
needs; and what you're going to do to fill your spare time.

You cannot allow yourself to just sit and waste away! You've got
to take hold of yourself and go on living! You can do it, and
you must! The best way is to busy yourself with all the planning
you've got to do, and all the things you've got to do to make
those plans pan out. Sit down with paper and pencil immediately,
look at your situation as it really exists, and lay out a "road
map" of things that you're going to have to do in order to
survive.

In the meantime, the pain will still be there but you've got to
keep forcing yourself not to think about it or dwell upon what
was yesterday. The more you think about the past - what went
wrong and why it happened to you - the worse it's going to hurt,
and the longer it'll take for you to recover.

What has happened to you can be likened to a cut on your hand:
It hurts, and you bleed, but you wash it off, perhaps apply some
medication, then a bandage and allow time as well as the healing
processes of the human system to make it all well again. So it
is with the dissolution of a marriage, but the bottom line is
still: You must cure yourself of the hurt before you can be
happy again.

You're going to feel lonely, lost and deserted. You're going to
grieve. You are going to mourn the loss of your loved one.
You're going to deny that it's over, and think of it as a bad
dream. You may fall into a state of deep depression and pretend
that it's only a game that will soon end.

In order to counter these feelings, you must try to keep
yourself busy - cleaning the house, washing your car, writing
out a budget, studying and/or working - you must force yourself
to "keep moving and working" on the kinds of things that make
you self-sufficient as well as a person that can hold his or her
head up in any crowd or situation.

You're going to become so angry that you'll want to do things
"just to spite" your lost loved one. Women in particular, have a
difficult time coping with the anger phase. They become bitter
because of the rejection they feel, the abandonment, and what
they consider the lack of honesty on the part of their former
husbands. It manifests itself as a result of final property
settlements and child support agreements. They sometimes
withhold visitation rights with the children in order to punish
or get their point across.

You must understand that anger is the process of projecting onto
another person, your own sense of hurt and frustration. Anger is
a natural feeling in a stressful situation. Regardless of how
it's done, you must express the feelings of anger you're
carrying or they'll "eat you alive!" The important thing is to
understand that it's a natural feeling as a result of a divorce,
and that you have to let these feelings out - get rid of them -
before you can truly go on to become a happy person. The best
way to deal with anger is to know precisely what you're angry
about - write it down on paper - and then pick the most
appropriate method as well as time, to express your anger to the
person that has made you angry.

Another phase you'll be going through is one of all-consuming
guilt feelings. If I hadn't of, or if I had done this or that
differently, or if only I had been a little more understanding.
The more you dwell upon this kind of thinking, the deeper you'll
fall into the trap of self-martyrdom which allows you to think
of yourself as a loser, a failure, and not deserving of
happiness.

You must drive those feelings of guilt from your mind as quickly
as they appear! Simply tell yourself that it didn't work out;
it's over, and you've got to things to do in order to survive.
Understand and believe that you will recover; then plan what
you're going to do, and start moving in that direction.

Still another phase you'll experience, is one of reconciliation.
This is when the victim calls the lost loved one on the phone or
writes letters, expressing undying love - acceptance of all the
blame for the divorce - and promising to change to fit the needs
and demands of the other person. This is when the victim
disregards all his or her own needs and reaches out for the
other person without pride.

Remember this: If your lost loved one does not want you, then
you must cease to worry about him or her. You must take hold of
yourself - your own ambitions for happiness and the kind of love
you want - and first plan how you can attain these things, and
then set about towards the eventual achievement of these goals.

You must forget about your ex-husband or ex-wife just as quickly
as you possibly can! You must immediately see yourself as
someone who's self-supporting and the only person on the face of
this earth with the final say about how happy you can be.
Difficult, yes - but the sooner you realize this and take charge
of your own life, the sooner "what once was" will be forgotten
and You'll find happiness again.

No one should throw themselves at the mercy of someone who
doesn't want them. Each and every human being in this world is
ruled by personal pride in himself. To "give up" one's pride is
to give up one's life. Compromises and promises to make changes
- followed by sincere efforts to do so are necessary to the
ability of "couples" to get along with each other. But to
disregard one's personal pride, is to become a non-entity.

The final phase you'll be going through will be one of
acceptance. This is when you are no longer bothered by thoughts
of your lost loved one all day long; when you're able to talk
about him or her without a tug at your heart, and when you've
accepted the fact that your marriage is really over: This is
when you say to yourself that if he or she doesn't want me, than
I don't want him or her. This is when you've got a handle on
what you have to do in order to rebuild your life and get on
with it, and you're doing just that!

As human beings, all of us have a brain. Because each of us has
a brain, we all have feelings that manifest themselves
emotionally in one form or another. No one is perfect, and thus,
though we usually try with everything we've got to handle our
problems with expertise, we usually fall down at least once or
twice along the way. It's important to understand one's self as
a human being, and to try to get a handle on our ambitions for
true happiness - but if we should fall down along the way, we
have to pick ourselves up and try again. This is likened to a
baby learning to walk - he may take a small step or two, and
then fall down, but unless he picks himself up and tries again,
he'll never learn to walk.

Don't be afraid of being alone! Think about your own ambitions,
and the kind of happiness you'd like to enjoy. Remember that
loneliness, boredom and unhappiness are indeed, self-induced -
determine that you want to be happy and then reach for it with
all you've got!!!

A Man's Guide To Survive A Divorce - Part 2

2009-10-23T15:47:00.000-04:00

First, you have to KNOW what it is you want. Then, you have to
know what you HAVE TO DO in order to get what it is you want.
And finally, you have to START MOVING in the necessary direction
to end up with what you want. In other words, if you don't know
what you want, nor how to get it, you'll be without purpose or
direction in life.

This is ''goal-setting," and unless you set goals for yourself,
you'll just be allowing yourself to be pushed through life by
whatever happens next. Use this "terrible time in your life" as
a time for introspection and a new start. think about yourself,
and start taking the "baby-steps" necessary to making you proud
of yourself. Stop mourning the loss of your marriage; pick
yourself up, and determine within yourself that you're on your
way to bigger and better things - total happiness and love!

Rebuilding your self-esteem - your ego and how good you feel
about yourself - is one of the first steps you must take. There
are many ways to move in this direction...

You might buy a new suit; paint the inside of your home; take a
trip to someplace you've always wanted to visit; go to see a
special movie or any number of other things. The important thing
is that you do something that makes you feel good.

From there, comes the introspection of where you are, and what
you're going to have to do in order to survive. Plan it all out
on paper, and then do what you have to do in order to make it
come out as you've planned.

Most important - don't be afraid of making mistakes or of
"falling down" once or twice along the way. It's just as if you
were eighteen year old again, and just beginning a life on your
own. It's like when a baby learns to walk - he's going to
stumble or fall a couple of times, but by continuing to try, he
eventually not only walks but finds he can run as well. So it is
in rebuilding your life after a divorce.

It'll be hard, but the sooner you start dating, the easier it'll
be for you to regain your emotional well being. At first, even
though you have to force yourself, you should just go out and
associate with other people. See for yourself that other people
don't "immediately recognize you" as a divorced man - a loser,
or a failure.

In the course of recovering from a painful divorce, it's not
unusual for a man to go through a number of brief sexual
affairs. With some, there's a flurry of sexual activity -
followed by periods of celibacy - and maybe a "special steady"
for awhile. This kind of activity is really sometimes necessary,
and definitely a part of the healing process as some men rebuild
their self-esteem.

Almost all people who have gone through a divorce, go through at
least one transitional partner during their healing process.
This is a person that seems to be the answer to all your dreams
- they're the "special girlfriends" that ease a divorced man
through the trauma - they're good for them; they listen to them;
they're sensitive to their needs but never demanding; and they
fulfill their sexual hunger. It's great to "find and use" such a
transitional partner, but be aware of your own situation and
their usefulness to you, and don't allow yourself to end up
marrying them. You may care about them a great deal, and feel
sure that they're the answer to all your dreams - that they have
all the love you could ever ask for - but don't marry them -
what you're feeling is only the peace of an oasis in the middle
of a desert. And don't feel badly when eventually you break off
such a relationship. Some people are born to nurture others back
to good health, and seeing you on your feet again, and on your
way to real happiness is the only reward these people really
want. Then too, who's to say that you won't someday be a
transitional partner for someone who's hurting just as you once
did...

Finally, there's the problems of boredom and loneliness. In
order to eliminate boredom and loneliness from your life, you
must first understand that both of these problems are
self-induced. That is, if you are bored or lonely, it's because
you are allowing yourself to be...

Boredom is generally a form of emotional anethesia brought about
by the person who is bored, because he doesn't want to
experience his own feelings. It's also a form of mental laziness
which keeps people from changing and growing.

The bottom line is simply that people are accountable for their
own boredom, and - if you feel bored, then you had better
remember that boredom breeds even more boredom.

Whenever you think of yourself as being bored, get involved in
something. Don't allow yourself to sit and do nothing. Write
letters to relatives or friends. Clean your garage or visit a
neighbor. Get out and spruce up your yard or take a drive and
see what changes have taken place in and around the area in
which you live. Join up with a Singles social club and attend
some of their functions; enroll in a self-improvement course or
two; visit a trade show and find out about some of the new
products being offered for sale.

To alleviate boredom, you have to do something that might
stimulate your interest. Thus, if you don't want to do anything
other than what you've been doing - if you're waiting for a bolt
of lightning to spark your interest in something - you'll
continue to be bored.

Loneliness is basically a different form of boredom. A person
feels lonely when they can't think of anything they want to do,
and thus, they begin feeling sorry for themselves because no one
cares about them.

In order not to be lonely, you have to start thinking of things
you might enjoy doing with other people, and then invite other
people to join you in doing those kinds of things. Really, it's
just as simple as that - take a trip to one of your shopping
malls with a friend and do some window-shopping; meet a friend
for lunch or dinner at a new restaurant; or invite a friend to
join you to see a move, a play, or even a concert.

So long as you shut yourself away from other people, and do not
get out into the world amongst people, you will be lonely. To be
happy, enjoy life, and know love, you have to make yourself
available to other people.

To recover from the trauma of divorce, you have to understand
the injury - apply the proper medicine - allow enough time for
the healing process to be completed - and all the while, be
positive that tomorrow will be a happier day for you. It's a
kind of recovery therapy that only you can apply and control -
the results are up to you.

A Woman's Guide To Survive A Divorce- Part 2

2009-10-22T15:53:00.000-04:00

First, you have to KNOW what it is you want. Then, you have to
know what you HAVE TO DO in order to get what it is you want.
And finally, you have to START MOVING in the necessary direction
to end up with what you want. In other words, if you don't know
what you want, nor how to get it, you'll be without purpose or
direction in life.

This is "goal-setting," and unless you set goals for yourself,
you'll just be allowing yourself to be pushed through life by
whatever happens next. Use this "terrible time in your life" as
a time for introspection and a new start. Think about yourself,
and start taking the "baby-steps" necessary to making you proud
of yourself. Stop mourning the loss of your marriage; pick
yourself up, and determine within yourself that you're on your
way to bigger and better things - total happiness and love!

Rebuilding your self-esteem - your ego and how good you feel
about yourself - is one of the first steps you must take. There
are many ways to move in this direction...

You might get a new hair-do; rearrange the furniture the way you
want it; take a trip to someplace you always wanted to visit; go
to see a special movie or any number of other things. The
important thing is that you do something that makes you feel
good.

From there, comes the introspection of where you are, and what
you're going to have to do in order to survive. Plan it all out
on paper, and then do what you have to do in order to make it
come out as you've planned.

Most important - don't be afraid of making mistakes or of
'falling down" once or twice along the way. It's just as if you
were seventeen years old again, and just beginning a life of
your own. It's like when a baby learns to walk - he's going to
stumble or fall a couple of times, but by continuing to try, he
eventually not only walks but finds he can run as well. So it is
in rebuilding your life after a divorce.

It'll be hard, but the sooner you start dating, the easier it'll
be for you to regain your emotional well being. At first, even
though you have to force yourself, you should just go out and
associate with other people. See for yourself that other people
don't "immediately recognize you" as a divorced woman - a loser,
or a failure.

In the course of recovering from a painful divorce, it's not
unusual for a woman to go through a number of brief sexual
affairs. With some, there's a flurry of sexual activity -
followed by periods of celibacy - and maybe a "special steady"
for a while. This kind of activity is really sometimes
necessary, and definitely a part of the healing process as some
women rebuild their self-esteem.

Almost all people who have gone through a divorce, go through at
least one transitional partner during their healing process.
This is a person that seems to be the answer to all your dreams
- they're the "special boyfriends" that ease a divorced woman
through the trauma - they're good to them; they listen to them;
they're sensitive to their needs but never demanding; and they
fulfill their sexual hunger. It 's great to "find and use" such
a transitional partner, but be aware of your own situation and
their usefulness to you, and don't allow yourself to end up
marrying them. You may care about them a great deal, and feel
sure that they're the answer to all your dreams - that they have
all the love you could ever ask for - but don't marry them -
what you're feeling is only the peace of an oasis in the middle
of a desert. And don't feel badly when eventually you break off
such a relationship. Some people are born to nurture others back
to good health, and seeing you on your feet again, and on your
way to real happiness is the only reward these people really
want. Then too, who's to say that you won't someday be a
transitional partner for someone who's hurting just as you once
did...

Finally, there's the problems of boredom and loneliness. In
order to eliminate boredom and loneliness from your life, you
must first understand that both of these problems are
self-induced. That is, if you are bored or lonely, it's because
you are allowing yourself to be...

Boredom is generally a form of emotional anethesia brought about
by the person who is bored, because she doesn't want to
experience her own feelings. It 's also a form of mental
laziness which keeps people from changing and growing.

The bottom line is simply that people are accountable for their
own boredom, and if you feel bored, then you had better remember
that boredom breeds even more boredom.

Whenever you think of yourself as being bored, get involved in
something. Don't allow yourself to sit and do nothing. Write
letters to relatives or friends. Bake a pie and visit a
neighbor. Get out and spruce up your yard or take a bus ride and
see what changes have taken place in and around the area in
which you live. Join up with a singles social club and attend
some of their functions; enroll in a self-improvement course or
two; visit a trade show and find out about some of the new
products being offered for sale.

To alleviate boredom, you have to do something that might
stimulate your interest. Thus, if you don't want to do anything
other that what you've been doing - if you're waiting for a bolt
of lightning to spark your interest n something - you'll
continue to be bored.

Loneliness is basically a different form of boredom. A person
feels lonely when they "can't think of anything they want to
do," and thus, they begin feel sorry for themselves "because no
one cares about them."

In order not to be lonely, you have to start thinking of things
you might enjoy doing with other people, and then invite other
people to join you in doing those kinds of things. Really, it's
just as simple as that - take a trip to one of your shopping
malls with a friend and do some window shopping; meet a friend
for lunch or dinner at a new restaurant; or invite a friend to
join you to see a movie, a play, or even a concert.

So long as you shut yourself away from other people, and do not
get out into the world amongst people, you will be lonely. To be
happy, enjoy life, and know love, you have to make yourself
available to other people.

To recover from the trauma of divorce, you have to understand
the injury - apply the proper medicine - allow enough time for
the healing process to be completed - and all the while, be
positive that tomorrow will be a happier day for you. It's a
kind of recovery therapy that only you can apply and control -
the results are up to you.

A Women's guide To Survive A Divorce - Part 1

2009-10-21T15:51:00.000-04:00

A Woman's Guide To Survive A Divorce

There is no greater emotional pain that can be inflicted upon a
woman than the announcement by her husband that he wants a
divorce. Even if both parties have "seen it coming" for some
time, and the announcement really comes as no big surprise, the
actual announcement is quite similar to a bomb exploding in your
face.

Such an announcement is "out-in-the-open" admission that the
person you held hands with so many years ago, and promised to
love - honor - and obey - to be supportive of, to stand beside
in good times and bad - through sickness and health - for richer
or poorer - no longer wants you or your love. You have been
rejected, and such a blow to a woman's emotional equilibrium is
just about the most damaging illness you'll ever have to face in
your lifetime.

Be that as it may, it is of the utmost importance that when such
a pain descends upon you, you realize that you can recover -
that you will recover - and that this is in reality, an
opportunity for you to attain real and total happiness according
to your own standards.

It will be hard, in fact, it will probably be just about the
most difficult thing you've ever done in your life, but you must
immediately and absolutely turn the page on that chapter of your
life. You must quickly and absolutely sever all ties with that
person - the one that has inflicted this pain upon you.

Get them out of your house. Get rid of all things that remind
you of them. Change your phone number. If necessary, move into a
new home or apartment. You must put an immediate end to your
marriage. Once a man has announced to you that he no longer
wants you for a wife, you have to start thinking about your own
survival.

It's going to be similar to losing a vital part of your body,
but you must let go, and the sooner you do let go - completely
end that chapter of your life - the sooner you'll be able to set
about rebuilding your life and ultimately finding the happiness
you want.

Between the time that your husband announces the end of the
marriage, and the time when you'll find new happiness, you're
going to hurt like you've never dreamed possible. You're going
to go through a number of mental and emotional phases - all of
which are perfectly normal and necessary in order for you to
"heal yourself" of this great hurt. You'll never be able to
enjoy love or attain true happiness until you have discharged
the past from your system, and healed yourself.

Think of all you're going through as a wound similar to a gash
on your arm or leg. It's going to hurt, and you're going to
bleed, but with the proper care and time, you will recover. You
must understand that divorce is quite common - you're not alone
nor going through anything that a lot of other people haven't
experienced - and that in order to "get well," you must
understand the nature of the wound, what to do in order to heal
it, and as much about the pre-requisites to total recovery as
possible.

At first, you'll probably deny that this is happening to you.
You may pretend that it's just a bad dream or some sort of bad
joke he's pulling on you. This type of thinking is normal, but
it only prolongs the agony of your hurt. You must face the
reality of the situation - accept the fact that your marriage is
over - and get on with the task of finding happiness for
yourself, immediately.

You'll probably lay awake in bed at night and review "every
minute" of your marriage - thinking that in this or that
circumstance, you could've been a better wife, and from there
beg for another chance. You'll want to accept full
responsibility - at least a big share of the guilt - for the
problems that caused the break-up of your marriage. These
thoughts are only natural, but they cannot put your marriage
back together, and any attempts to "try one more time," at this
stage will only cause you greater pain. You must accept the fact
that your marriage is over, and busy your mind and yourself,
with activities that don't allow you time to "rehash" the events
of the past. Don't allow yourself to dwell upon guilt feelings.
It takes two people to make a marriage, and marriages come apart
because of the differences in the two people involved. No one is
perfect, and happiness in life is a matter of learning from our
mistakes. Accept your own short-comings; vow that you will
profit from what you've experienced; and then get on with your
life. You'll never be comfortable with yourself, nor find real
happiness so long as you're dragging "guilt feelings" from your
past around with you.

Somewhere along the way, you'll become so angry with your
ex-husband - the world - and even God, that you'll be beyond
yourself in your ability to express it all. It will be necessary
that you express this anger - to get it all out of your system -
before you'll be able to "feel good" around men again.

Anger is the process of projecting onto another person, your own
sense of hurt and frustration. It's such a volatile and
all-consuming emotion that unless you give it an outlet, it will
literally eat you alive. The thing to do is to understand your
anger, and manage it in a manner that will benefit you - in such
a way that your expression of it is constructive to your
regaining your emotional health.

A few things you might think about doing: Write out for your
kids, the complete story of your marriage; how you met, your
dreams and hopes, the good and the bad, the sacrifices each of
you made, and how - beyond either of your capabilities to
control - the marriage just came to an end... Write out in
precise detail exactly what is making you angry, and why. Put it
in letter form to your ex-husband and really tell him everything
that has been, and is bothering you. Let him know that you are a
person with wants and needs too... Stand in front of a mirror
and "rehearse" an angry confrontation with your ex-husband
and/or anyone else involved. Make an appointment with your
priest or minister; or find a friend who'll listen as you
explain the frustration, hurt and futility you feel.

Regardless of how you do it, it is an absolute necessity that
you let it all out. This anger and bitterness you feel is like a
poison that you must cleanse from your soul. The sooner you get
rid of it, the sooner you'll be able to get on with your life -
regain your mental health and position yourself for happiness.

Finally, there'll come a day when you'll no longer be bothered
by thoughts of your ex-husband. It won't even bother you when
you see him with another woman, and that'll be the day when
you've finally accepted the fact that your marriage to him is
over. You will have truly let go of him, and will be ready for a
new try at happiness.

Your progress from being rejected by your husband to acceptance
of the fact that you don't want him if he doesn't want you, and
positioning yourself for a second chance, won't come easily. In
fact, it will take you about two and a half to three years. You
must understand the damage you've sustained, the healing that's
required, and the time it's going to take to get well. Too
often, women still in the recovery stages of a divorce, jump
into a new marriage before they're ready. And when the "bomb
explodes" the second time, the trauma is more painful and the
recovery even harder than the first time.

It's imperative that you "cut yourself off" from your husband as
quickly as possible. It's just as imperative that you
immediately set about analyzing what it is you want out of life,
what you need to do in order to get what it is you want, and
then take the necessary steps towards achieving whatever it is
you want.

Stay tuned for part 2.

A Man's Guide To Survive A Divorce - Part 1

2009-10-19T16:00:00.002-04:00

There is no greater emotional pain that can be inflicted upon a
man than the announcement by his wife that she wants a divorce.
Even if both parties have "seen it coming" for some time, and
the announcement really comes as no big surprise, the actual
announcement is quite similar to a bomb exploding in your face.

Such an announcement is "out-in-the-open" admission that the
person you held hands with so many years ago, and promised to
love - honor - and obey - to be supportive of, to stand beside
in good times and bad -through sickness and health - for richer
or poorer - no longer wants you or your love. You have been
rejected, and such a blow to a man's emotional equilibrium is
just about the most damaging illness you'll ever have to face in
your lifetime.

Be that as it may, it is of the utmost importance that when such
a pain descends upon you, you realize that you can recover -
that you will recover - and that this is in reality, an
opportunity for you to attain real and total happiness according
to your own standards.

It will be hard, in fact, it will probably be just about the
most difficult thing you've ever done in your life, but you must
immediately and absolutely turn the page on that chapter of your
life. You must quickly and absolutely sever all ties with that
person - the one that has inflicted this pain upon you.

Get them out of your house. Get rid of all things that remind
you of them. Change your phone number. If necessary, move into a
new home or apartment. You must put an immediate end to your
marriage. Once a woman has announced to you that she no longer
wants you for a husband, you have to start thinking about your
own survival.

It's going to be similar to losing a vital part of your body,
but you must let go, and the sooner you do let go - completely
end that chapter of your life - the sooner you'll be able to set
about rebuilding your life and ultimately finding the happiness
you want.

Between the time that your wife announces the end of the
marriage, and the time when you'll find new happiness, you're
going to hurt like you've never dreamed possible. You're going
to go through a number of mental and emotional phases - all of
which are perfectly normal and necessary in order for you to
"heal yourself" of this great hurt. You'll never be able to
enjoy love or attain true happiness until you have discharged
the past from your system, and healed yourself.

Think of all you're going through as a wound similar to a gash
on your arm or leg. It's going to hurt, and you're going to
bleed, but with the proper care and time, you will recover. You
must understand that divorce is quite common - you're not alone
nor going through anything that a lot of other people haven't
experienced - and that in order to "get well," you must
understand the nature of the wound, what to do in order to heal
it, and as much about the pre-requisites to total recovery as
possible.

At first, you'll probably deny that this is happening to you.
You may pretend that it's just a bad dream or some sort of bad
joke she's pulling on you. This type of thinking is normal, but
it only prolongs the agony of your hurt. You must face the
reality of the situation - accept the fact that your marriage is
over - and get on with the task of finding happiness for
yourself, immediately.

You'll probably lay awake in bed at night and review "every
minute" of your marriage - thinking that in this or that
circumstance, you could've been a better husband, and from there
beg for another chance. You'll want to accept full
responsibility - at least a big share of the guilt - for the
problems that caused the break-up of your marriage. These
thoughts are only natural, but they cannot put your marriage
back together, and any attempts to "try one more time," at this
stage will only cause you greater pain. You must accept the fact
that your marriage is over, and busy your mind and yourself,
with activities that don't allow you time to "rehash" the events
of the past. Don't allow yourself to dwell upon guilt feelings.
It takes two people to make a marriage, and marriages come apart
because of the differences in the two people involved. No one is
perfect, and happiness in life is a matter of learning from our
mistakes. Accept your own short-comings; vow that you will
profit from what you've experienced; and then get on with your
life. You'll never be comfortable with yourself, nor find real
happiness so long as you're dragging "guilt feelings from your
past around with you.

Somewhere along the way, you'll become so angry with your
ex-wife - the world - and even God, that you'll be beyond
yourself in your ability to express it all. It will be necessary
that you express this anger - to get it all out of your system -
before you'll be able to "feel good" around women again.

Anger is the process of projecting onto another person, your own
sense of hurt and frustration. It's such a volatile and
all-consuming emotion that unless you give it an outlet, it will
literally eat you alive. The thing to do is to understand your
anger, and manage it in a manner that will benefit you - in such
a way that your expression of it is constructive to your
regaining your emotional health.

A few things you might think about doing: Write out for your
kids, the complete story of your marriage, how you met, your
dreams and hopes, the good and the bad, the sacrifices each of
you made, and how -beyond either of your capabilities to control
- the marriage just came to an end... Write out in precise
detail what is making you angry, and why. Put it in letter form
to your ex-wife and really tell her everything that has been,
and is bothering you... Let her know that you are a person with
wants and needs too... Stand in front of a mirror and "rehearse"
an angry confrontation with your ex-wife and/or anyone else
involved. Make an appointment with your priest or minister; or
find a friend who'll listen as you explain the frustration, hurt
and futility you feel.

Regardless of how you do it, it is an absolute necessity that
you let it all out. This anger and bitterness you feel is like a
poison that you must cleanse from your soul. The sooner you get
rid of it, the sooner you'll be able to get on with your life -
regain your mental health and position yourself for happiness.

Finally, there'll come a day when you'll no longer be bothered
by thoughts of your ex-wife. It won't even bother you when you
see her with another man, and that'll be the day when you've
finally accepted the fact that you marriage to her is really
over. You will have truly let go of her, and will be ready for a
new try at real happiness.

Your progress from being rejected by your wife, to acceptance of
the fact that you don't want her if she doesn't want you, and
positioning yourself for a second chance, won't come easily. In
fact, it will take you about two and a half to three years. You
must understand the damage you've sustained, the healing that's
required, and the time it's going to take to get well. Too
often, men still in the recovery stages of a divorce, jump into
a new marriage before they're ready. And when the "bomb
explodes" the second time, the trauma is more painful and the
recovery even harder than the first time.

It's imperative that you "cut yourself off" from you wife as
quickly as possible. It's just as imperative that you
immediately set about analyzing what it is you want out of life,
what you need to do in order to get what it is you want, and
then take the necessary steps towards achieving whatever it is
you want.

Stay tuned for part 2.

Great Blogs!

2009-10-10T20:39:00.000-04:00

Check out these great blogs!

Make Money Online | Money Blogging Tips
HowHero
Find Torrent Search Engine
Indo Contest
Mga Kwentong Ma Alamat
Contest Love
It Blood
I Heart Contest
Nurse Jen Doll
Your Web and Graphics Design
My Blog Contest
Prize King Contest Blog
Computer Collections
Medan Blogger
Eiffel Tower
Programming the Life
John Doro Dot Com
Paco Contest
Couch Surfing Host
Erick's Blog
My Life 4 Hire
The Spirit of Blogging
EmTNester
Amori, poesi, arte, chat
Great Wall of China
The Painted Veil
FeeFiFoto Blog
I am Harriet
Phoenix2Life
Anurag Bhateja
Online Treasure
Gorilla Sushi
London Eater
News n' Tech Palace
Sherry Rambling
Blogging Tips and Tools
Selbst Management
Skip Ratt
Eljon
Heart Net
Just 4 You
Widgets For Free Blogger Widgets
Bubble Crush
GoGalavanting
Mesothelioma Cancer Help
How Things Do
Hardware Rig
Reality View
Utah Web Design
Hero Help Tutorials
Nub Lag Teh Server
Jobs Human Resources
Naeem's Blog
Facts For History
Prasdikatama
McPhee-Env
PeriPheryPoem
Writings of RYU
Heart Net
Cater Hater
Tech Recipe
Tech Boy UK
Internet Leashed
Tha Good Life Reviews
Solaris Photography
bSaves - Saving Energy Search Engine - Black Google
Sitfu
The All Rounder
The Science of Getting Richer
University Results
Surigao Digital Services
Senior BabyBoomers
Gazlo
Jessi & Ray Dream Life
Life Around Raymond
Susan Boyle
Get Any Thing
Exclusive Arena
The Star Girl
Tem Bolog
Trash XP
How Hero - How to Tutorials - Video Tutorials
Blog Darma
Money Central Online
Watch Free Online Movies
Zoom Your View
Hey I Want a Job
Dog Pet Grooming Supplies
Aqualux Carpet Cleaning
All about the Beautiful Game
Communicate Your Emotions
Vemma Kuantan
Online Global Biz
Home Affiliate
News to Me
Google Gadget Games
High Point of the Day
The Biggish
Tech Feast
Cake and Bread
Home Cleaning Tips
Fitness Excercise
Funny N Cool Pix
D Bucks
Fow Furniture
Dubious Ma
Mami Bizi
Fundo Geek
Nijan Translator
Core Worlds
Dance Music Ireland
A Blog for All
Golf Swing Pro
AFpaintball.com
Top Money Making Websites
Bunny Exclamation
V2 Tricks
Make Money Online - Comple Exercise
Kits Kingdom
Daily Blog
Financial Planning with Chris Pua
Work At Home
Awesome Tech – A blog dedicated to Tech-News
RohitComputers
Superplaystationstore
Joeedmund
Yooray's Blog
Feisublog - Anime blogs and Forums
LUMIXiOUS
imanes27.blogspot.com
Best on Tube
Dubai Moves
ViJeshKirodian
Demystifying the East
MyFundoo Blog
Jobconstruction
http://yatabe84.blogspot.com/
Cash Crate
Bucks N Blogs
OMG LaGigel
Vintage Shirt | Vintage Jeans
http://chickylounge.blogspot.com
Hack A File
Today's Vibe
Pin Payments
Must Have FreeWare
Crusade 21
Neeraj Pathak
Jafeth Mariani
PTC PTR
Beginners Guide To Online Marketing
Husam 212
Poltek Pos
http://feb27th.blogspot.com

Renew

2009-10-09T04:07:00.002-04:00

Stay tuned, we're back! Great content! Terrific resources! More DIY topics & eBooks!!!

Highlights:
Wednesday are wild posts!
Friday's are free DIY posts!

Law and Order Addiction

2009-08-19T08:00:00.002-04:00

"In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate, yet equally-important groups: the police, who investigate crime, and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories."

Which L&O is your favorite? Right now, wherever you are, whatever cable or satellite service you have, an episode of "Law & Order" is running. The same goes for the "Law & Order" derivatives "Special Victims Unit" and "Criminal Intent." If you can't find them, you're not really trying.

My favorites: ALL OF THEM, EVERY NIGHT!!

Law & Order Season Premiere Fri Sept 25th 8PM NBC

http://www.nbc.com/Law_and_Order/

'Manolo Blahnik Drawings' - Shoes That Are Better Than Sex

2009-06-01T07:25:00.001-04:00

'Manolo Blahnik Drawings' - Shoes That Are Better Than Sex

Shared via AddThis

1st Time Home Owners - It's A Buyers Market

2009-05-17T08:28:00.001-04:00

Great time for first-time homebuyers

The real estate meltdown and credit crisis have slammed a huge segment of society, but first-time homebuyers could be in the best position to take the leap into homeownership.

A few years ago, information inundated potential first-timers about how to take the leap via first-time homebuyer programs and other avenues that would make down payments affordable and escalating home prices feasible.

In today's turbulent real-estate environment, renters might think the days of first-time home-buying assistance are over. Combine that availability with low interest rates and low home prices, and you have one of the best times in recent history for first-time buyers to take advantage of these programs.

Federal aid
Not only are market conditions favorable, the government is adding incentives to attract first-time homebuyers. As part of the economic stimulus package, a tax credit worth 10 percent of the purchase price up to $8,000 is available to first-time homebuyers as long as they sign on the dotted line this year. Unlike previous tax credits for first-time buyers, this one does not require repayment.

Homebuyers must meet income requirements to be eligible for the entire credit. If you're single, you must earn $75,000 or less. Married couples must earn less than $150,000, though those who earn more can qualify for reduced credits.

In addition to the one-time credit, first-time homebuyers can take advantage of special programs through the Federal Housing Administration, or FHA. The FHA doesn't make mortgage loans directly, but it insures loans made by private lenders, protecting those lenders from losses.

FHA-backed loans tend to have less stringent credit requirements, and they let homebuyers use financial gifts from family members, nonprofit organizations and employers to pay the entire down payment. However, the onset of the economic downturn has brought a change in these programs.

Great time for first-time homebuyers

Changing qualifications
Many first-time homebuyer programs now require higher credit scores to qualify. Although buyers could qualify for an FHA loan with a credit score below 700, they might have to make a higher down payment. Some of the programs instituted by private lenders not affiliated with FHA generally require credit scores above 700.

Many programs also contain an education component, so prospective buyers will get help with budgeting, as well as advice on clearing up any debt or credit problems. So even if they don't have the required credit score, a housing or credit counseling agency can help them improve their financial situation as they look for first-time home buying programs that they will qualify for.

Another requirement of many first-time homebuyer programs is that participants must have income below 80 percent of the region's median income. But if your salary was lowered or your bonuses stopped, you might be earning less than 80 percent of the median income now. So even if you didn't qualify before, you might now. However, as median income levels drop, so does the amount that represents 80 percent.

"First time" or first time?
Another thing to remember: Don't always take the term "first time" literally. Many programs don't rule you out if you bought a home before.

Down payment assistance for some first-time home buying programs comes in the form of a second mortgage, and in many cases, some or all of that second mortgage could be waived if the buyer stays in the home a certain number of years, typically between five and seven years. That might have been a limiting requirement during the real estate boom because homeowners often used equity to trade up quickly. Today, as home prices escalate more slowly -- if at all -- people are more likely to stay in one home longer, Baker says.

In addition to looking for first-time home buying programs, prospective buyers should also check out the terms of other programs that have similar advantages. For example, the U.S. Department of Agriculture offers Rural Development Guaranteed Housing Home Financing options, which provide up to 100 percent financing to homeowners in rural areas, typically areas with a population of 20,000 or less.

When looking for a lender to work with, be sure to shop around. Although some first-time homebuyers may qualify for conventional loans, a first-time home buying program will likely yield better terms and give buyers the option of holding on to their cash rather than using it for a down payment.

1st Hispanic Owned Mariott in Wash., DC

2009-04-24T08:43:00.001-04:00

Marriott Debuts First Hispanic-Owned Courtyard in Washington, D.C.

April 14, 2009

The first majority Hispanic-owned Courtyard by Marriott hotel is opening this week in Washington, D.C., according to Marriott International, which promotes diversity among its franchisees via its Marriott Diversity Ownership Initiative.

Located in the city's newly redeveloped NoMa neighborhood?a 35-block area of mixed-use development north of the U.S. Capitol?the new Courtyard Washington DC/U.S. Capitol is owned by Miami-based Robert Finvarb Companies. It features eight stories, 218 rooms and 2,800 square feet of meeting space for meetings of up to 100 people.

"We are very excited about the opening of this hotel and to be a part of the exciting revitalization of the NoMa area," said Robert Finvarb Companies CEO Robert Finvarb. "I'm also proud to open the first Hispanic-owned hotel in the city."

Designed especially for business travelers, the new hotel is the D.C. area's first to feature the Courtyard brand's new prototype lobby, which features "welcome pedestals" instead of a traditional front desk, free wireless Internet and a 52-inch "GoBoard" screen highlighting local maps, weather and news.

"From day one, Courtyard has prided itself as a brand that listens to what business travelers want from a hotel," said Brian King, vice president, global brand manager, Courtyard by Marriott. "Guests want more control and choice with services and amenities that create a healthy balance between working and relaxing. We redefined the Courtyard lobby so it invites guests to get out of their rooms to work, socialize or for entertainment, whether traveling alone or with colleagues."

The Courtyard Washington DC/U.S. Capitol also features an on-site restaurant, an indoor swimming pool, a fitness center and a business center.

Addicted To Twitter

2009-04-11T06:58:00.003-04:00

I read this and believe it's so true....

You're on the FriendFeed website and find yourself refreshing the page rather than waiting for the auto-refresh. F5 is worn out.

You realize you need to turn off Twitter or FriendFeed to get any work done. Problem is, you ?realized? that an hour ago, too.

You get overly excited when you get a new follower.

You find yourself typing ?@? to reply to people, even if its in an email.

You are bored and confused whenever there is another Twitter outage.

You have Twhirl or Alert Thingy set to start automatically on boot up.

Your blog hasn?t been updated in awhile, but you?ve been Twittering like crazy.

You feel the strong need to check up on FriendFeed or Twitter before going to bed at night. Or perhaps on your laptop IN bed.

First thing you do when you get home from date night with the wife is check Twitter or FriendFeed.

You put your Twitter handle on your business card.

Bonus:
You seriously discuss the nationalization of Twitter.

Find The Right Recruiter

2009-02-09T08:06:00.000-05:00

Use search engines, enter strings like [“executive search firm” + “your industry” + “your city”]

· Contact your trade association for the names of recruiters in good standing. Directories of trade associations are athttp://www.weddles.com/associations/index.cfm and http://www.asaecenter.org/Directories/AssociationSearch.cfm

· See LinkedIn.com, which carries roughly 90,000 recruiter profiles. To find recruiters’ profiles, click on the main search feature. Enter your industry in the search field marked “Keywords” – and then choose “Staffing and Recruiting” from the dropdown menu called “Industry.” Depending on your keywords, hundreds of my competitors will pop up. Many will list their email addresses in their profiles.

· Ask your friends. “None of us is as smart as all of us.” – Seth Godin

· Keep a list! “When you need a friend – it’s too late to make one.” – Mark Twain

· Go to trade shows. “Get out of the office.” – Tom Hopkins

Employment Resources

2009-02-03T20:33:00.001-05:00

Review these resources first and then we'll get back to the 5 things you need to do to get a job.....

RiseSmart’s List of the Top 100 Career Blogs – I couldn’t believe this when I saw it. A veritable cornucopia of world-class career advice and job search tips. How convenient! See http://www.risesmart.com/risesmart/blog/career100/

How to Prepare for a Job Interview – It doesn’t get any better than this. http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2007/03/online_retail.html

“Why did you leave your last job?” – You WILL get asked this question. Here’s how to answer it. http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2007/03/why_did_you_lea.html

Humility: The Core of Servant Leadership – What is a servant leader, and how can you become one?http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2007/01/humility.html

Warren Buffett on "Which Candidate Has the Potential?" – It’s the one who’s Investment Grade.http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/05/interview_tips.html

Top 5 Candidate Traits – Humility, business orientation, and a whole lot more. http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/03/candidate_trait.html

How to Hire a Problem Solver – Are you a problem solver? See Harry’s popular article from Optimize. http://www.optimizemag.com/article/showArticle.jhtml?printableArticle=true&articleId=55801211

How to Land a Six Figure Job – Learn what’s keeping the client awake at night, and then define your agenda. http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/01/six_figure_jobs.html

Negotiating a Higher Salary – You do not have to tell the company how much you make. http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/02/negotiating.html

Getting Paid What You're Worth – Negotiate for more responsibility, not more money. http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/03/compensation.html

Introducing the "Gray Ceiling" http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/08/career_advice.html

Job Search Tip on Emailing Hiring Managers http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/08/job_search_tip.html

The Perfect Reference Letter – A wonderful resource that applies to getting a better job. http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/08/reference_lette.html

"How Can a Candidate Cut Through the Noise?" – Yahoo’s HR VP bears her secrets. http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/08/guy_kawasaki.html
BE PATIENT!!!

5 East Steps To Get A Job

2009-02-02T11:27:00.005-05:00

1. Leave on your own terms.

If you haven’t been fired but you know you are about to be, read this document before going further. And if you have a non-compete agreement with your current employer, it can make a big difference whether you quit or are fired.

2. Sharply define the value that you create

· Understand what you want to accomplish with your life and be able to explain convincingly how the job and the company to which you are applying will enable that ideal. Seriously. Many excellent candidates come out of interviews in a body bag because they could not answer the question “Why do you want to work at Company X?” Any good hiring manager will place high importance on your sincere desire for the job simply because your happiness is good for business. Happy employees are more productive, stick around longer, and work better with others. Moreover, tight-fitting candidates are also better arbiters of a company’s culture. So consider the 3 F’s: Fun, Future, and Finance. See http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/04/career_advice.html.

· Specialize your skills. Tie your personal brand to the value that you create for others. Ideally, you want to be so good at your job that you could make a living freelancing if you had to.

Do not reinvent the wheel. Looking at the Top 100 article, the idea is to understand how other people who do what you do have productized their skills. There needs to be a beginning, a middle, and an end. Regardless of what your service is, that’s what you’re trying to replicate.

Develop a Teachable Point of View in Your Area of Specialization. Being good at your work is one thing. Giving your colleagues the best “how” and “why” to make use of your work is another. You simply must be able to show people what’s in it for them if they help you get things done – even if their paycheck is not tied to your success. Motivation and education go hand-in-hand. If you don’t appreciate how important this is, simply ask your mentor to describe the best boss they ever had. Chances are your mentor will say something like “I learned more from so-and-so than anyone …” For leadership positions especially, this is a serious problem. If you want to get ahead in your career, you are going to have to learn to lead. And that means learning to teach those people who report to you. This is just a natural part of building bench strength. See http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2005/12/business_school.html

· See the Big Picture. With the mindset of a specialist, visit http://www.reliablegrowth.com/swot.pdf for a form that will help you understand how you might impact your current company’s overall competitive position. After you fill out the form, ask yourself: “Would my resume demonstrate to a recruiter that I can help a client address its strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats?” At the very least, you should appear have some sensitivity to strategic issues.

· Understand how your current job touches multiple company functions. You will never get to first base with a recruiter if he/she doesn’t think that his/her search fee will be lost in the rounding of the value that you will create for his/her clients. Although they’re specialists, “A-players” think holistically about their employer’s business, and they know how their work drives the three shareholder value levers of...Revenue growth (customer acquisition, customer reactivation, increasing customer purchase frequency, cross-selling, and up-selling), Operational efficiency (running a clean operation that fulfills the company’s brand promise right the first time), and, Capital optimization (running a cash-efficient, low-overhead operation with the right blend of debt and equity).

· Understand how your current job drives company profitability – and quantify your contributions to growth and efficiency in multiple functional areas. Recruiters know that the best predictor of future performance is a successful track record.

· Financial literacy isn’t just for financial types. If you are a marketer, you don’t have to be a financial genius, but you should consider how your job (and the job for which you are applying) will impact your company’s financial picture, and be able to discuss it intelligently. Click here for a good review.

· Be able to quantify how you have built and led successful teams. Servant leadership gets more important every year as companies seek to accomplish more with less. How many people report to you now? Under your stewardship, how have your direct reports grown both personally and professionally? Ask them, and be prepared to use them as references. Obviously, note this on your resume. And if you’re not sure you understand what “servant leadership” really is, please click here

· Be able to discuss any processes you have developed and implemented to make your job, your department, and your company run more smoothly. Benjamin Graham, the father of value investing, famously instructed his MBA students to “Buy any business that’s so good that an idiot can run it, because sooner or later one will.” Mr. Graham’s point was that whether your company sells a product (like McDonald’s) or a service (like H&R Block), the world’s most profitable companies are built on processes. And the best processes are simple, resourceful, reliable, scalable, well-documented, and teachable to anyone. If they are proprietary, so much the better. The best candidates know this stuff and have devised ways to routinize every function in their own space.

· Know something about project management – and be able to discuss any projects you have led, managed, or participated in. See http://www.michaelgreer.com/handouts-pm-any.htm

· Distill your career into two minute “chapters.” Divide your career into several two-minute career chapters, each with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Each chapter story should segue neatly into the next chapter, and each chapter should lend itself to a stand-alone line of interview questions, such as “What was your biggest failure at ___, what did you learn from that failure, and how did you apply those lessons in the future?”

· Check your references in advance. Find out now what your former Boss / Company will tell a new employer about you. See https://www.allisontaylor.com/reference_check_order.asp

· BUILD your online reputation. To succeed beyond 2010, you will need to “look good on the internet.” Believe it or not – this will involve personal branding. To see where your personal brand stands, take this test from personal branding expert, William Arruda: http://www.careerdistinction.com/onlineid/. Then consider the points here: http://www.stuntdubl.com/2007/07/11/reputation-management/.

· MONITOR your online reputation. A 2006 survey by executive search firm ExecuNet reports that 77% of recruiters said they use search engines to check out job candidates. In a CareerBuilder.com survey of 1,150 hiring managers, one in four said they use Internet search engines to research potential employees. One in 10 said they also use social networking sites to screen candidates.

Bottom line: You’re gonna get “Googled” by the recruiters and hiring managers before any offer is extended. See http://www.marketingpilgrim.com/online-reputation-monitoring-beginners-guide.pdf. Also be sure to read Andy Beal’s new book, Radically Transparent: Monitoring and Managing Reputations Online.

3. Have a “keyword – rich” and “metrics – rich” resume.

· “Sales is real. Marketing is bs.” Be able to quantify on your resume how you did this.

· Have a hard-hitting “metrics rich” bullet-pointed resume. The law of specificity applies. Odd numbers work best.

· Call yourself what everyone else in the world calls you. Sell yourself in the language in which the customer buys. See Monster.com for comparable career titles and responsibilities.

· Use relevant keywords in your resume. What are the terms that are specific to your job? In your resume, use them as many times as possible. This is called keyword density, and it matters. See http://tools.seobook.com/general/keyword/ to see how the world searches for people in your field. For example, the term “recruiter” is searched for in Google 12 times more often than “headhunter.” If you are curious about which of only two terms gets more traffic, check out the Google Smackdown tool at http://www.onfocus.com/googlesmack/down.asp. Sometimes the same job is called different things in different regions. So do your homework and market yourself in the local lingo.

· Research the position and the client and make your value OBVIOUS. Using the right keywords is only half the battle. Putting them in the right context on your resume is the other. Find out what’s important to the client and then map your resume to the job. Ideally, you would rewrite your resume to fit hand-in-glove with each job description. Seriously. For decades, old-school direct mail copywriters have called this “tightening the message-to-market match” – and it works wonders. That’s why headlines like “Attention Headache Sufferers!” don’t pull nearly as well as “Attention Young Mothers with Migraines!” Again, when trying to get to the Great 8, you are dealing less with people and more with document matching technology. Your goal is to keep from getting disqualified for “lack of experience.

· Use testimonials. We live in an age of skepticism. When you list your accomplishments, why should your reader believe you? Use testimonials to highlight your successes. See “How to Leverage LinkedIn” at http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/09/how_to_leverage.html

· See the world through the recruiter’s eyes. Open your resume in “HTML” format in any web browser. Now, using the Google Toolbar, enter the keywords for which you want to be found into the search box and press the toolbar’s highlight button. Does your resume light up like a Christmas tree? If not, then you need more keyword density.

· Put yourself in the recruiter’s shoes. The best short standalone document I have seen on what it is recruiters want to know when they speak with you is right here: http://www.fordyceletter.com/2004/08/01/14-candidate-questions/.

· Subscribe to job-specific emails from job aggregators like Indeed.com and SimplyHired. Then apply to ALL relevant jobs, even if they’re in California. The goal is to create a trial dialogue with any and every company to get feedback on your resume. Think of this as market research. During each phone screen, ask “What specifically is it about my resume that made you contact me?” Listen & Learn.

· For interview preparation, use www.FirstResearch.com to learn about the client’s industry. For research on hiring managers, www.Copernic.com and www.ZoomInfo.com are wise investments.

· Research your hiring manager – and any members of the team with whom you will be interviewing. Naturally, you’ll want to visit LinkedIn to get their bios. Try Facebook and Jigsaw too. And if you want to go the extra mile, try running a search for them in Google News Archives – a tool that serves up news results going back 100 years, depending on the news source.

4. Be easy to inhale into the recruiter’s database.

· Do NOT layout your resume in a fancy format in Adobe. By all means, have a really slick resume that you can email directly to the hiring manager when you get to the Great 8. But until that point, your resume is not the best place to showcase creativity. Remember, your objective is to get the recruiter to “inhale” your resume into his database, and his database won’t work with Adobe. >Delete<

· NEVER put your contact information in the header of your resume. His software can’t get to it there. Put your name, address, phone number, and email address in the resume’s body, like this …

Mary Jones

24 Redwing Road

Hockeytown, MI 30345

Phone: (425) 555-1212

Email: Mary.Jones@EmailAddress.com

5. How to be FOUND by a recruiter – or anyone, for that matter.

· Post your resume on the worldwide web. Get a friend to post your resume on her website, or pay a local hosting company a few bucks to post it on theirs. Give your document a name like “boston_cobol_programmer” or whatever it is you do. Submit the page to Google at http://www.google.com/addurl/. This is E-Z to do. Then …

· Use SimplyHired's Resume Post Pro to post your resume to 80+ different job boards. Hey, it’s a start. For just $29.95, you'll hit all the major boards like HotJobs and CareerBuilder, as well as many excellent niche boards. See http://www.simplyhired.com/resumepost. You might also try http://www.resumerabbit.com. According to recruiting industry guru, there are 40,000 job boards – maximize your coverage.

· Join TheLadders.com. TheLadders is a job board for positions paying >$100K per year. Unlike traditional job boards, TheLadders is member-funded, meaning that candidates pay $30/month to belong, and qualified job postings are free for employers and recruiters.

· “Sell right into the objection.” Look, we all know there are biases in the hiring process. If there weren’t, diversity recruiters wouldn’t exist. So use the tool at http://www.simplyhired.com/specialsearches.php to search for jobs with companies that can deal with who you are.

· Join Facebook. In the very near future, social networking applications like Facebook will allow candidates to join the passive candidate networks of target companies. Facebook profiles are rich in candidate information (such as your political affiliation, religious orientation, network of friends, marital status, physical appearance, etc.) that might be a turn off to potential employers. Before you join Facebook, watch this: http://www.conversationagent.com/2007/12/do-you-have-a-f.html. Then if you decide to market yourself on Facebook, check out http://www.insidefacebook.com/2007/12/09/inside-facebook-marketing-bible-24-ways-to-market-your-brand-company-product-or-service-in-facebook/. Also check out 12 Ways to Use Facebook Professionally. Remember, you are a company. You are your own product.

Use LinkedIn, ZoomInfo, and JigSaw. Recruiters love passive candidates, and these are some favorite fishing holes. These sites allow job seekers to get found by recruiters without “openly” looking for a job. LinkedIn is especially powerful for finding people (as well as being found by recruiters), so bookmark Marc Freedman’s http://linkedin.pbwiki.com/. To build your LinkedIn network, find a several “super connectors” like Marc to add on Day One. Checkout http://www.toplinked.com/ to see who these people are and send them a request to connect. Even if they don’t know you, they’ll usually do it. See also http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/08/marketing_jobs.html. Finally, check out Expanding Your LinkedIn Network by professional recruiting researcher Simon Meth. No matter what, make sure that your profile is complete, regularly updated, and reflects your current job duties. You should also participate in LinkedIn answers to improve your credibility and visibility. For Mashable’s Top 10 LinkedIn tools, click here.

· Forget the cover letter. Recruiters don’t usually read them. A short, keyword-rich email will suffice.

· Use powerful headlines on Monster. Change your headline to tell the recruiter in a BLINK what he needs to know: Function / Company / Salary / Relocation preference. See http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/07/getting_found_o.html

· Buy “YourName.com” and “YourJob.com” at GoDaddy or BuyDomains.com. Call your website something generic like “Freelance Cobol Programmer” and use GoDaddy’s URL “masking” feature to hide evidence of a redirect. This way, anyone who types in AtlantaCobolProgrammer.com will think you are local to Atlanta. http://www.DomainsBot.com is perfect for seeing which domains are still available in your functional area of specialization. http://www.NameBoy.com is really great, too.

· Start a weblog. If you have a teachable point of view in your area of specialization, then blogging will be easy. If you don’t have a teachable point of view, then blogging will help you get one. See http://www.pronetadvertising.com/articles/my-50-favorite-blogging-resources.html and http://www.chrisbrogan.com/basic-business-blogging-suggestions/. Link to other bloggers in your field, and add a link to your weblog in all outgoing emails. You can start your own “house-file” of email addresses by using an auto-responder to automatically send your blog link and contact information to anyone who reaches out to you. See http://www.GetvCard.com. Be sure to include your private home number and home email address so people can find you if you change jobs. And of course, learn to optimize your weblog copy for search engines. Gradually, you’ll build your own brand.

This is laughably simple to do.

· Learn a little SEO. Please. You don’t have to be an SEO jock, but if you learn some of the basics, your fortunes can change dramatically. See http://www.webconfs.com/15-minute-seo.php. See also http://www.marketleap.com/help/seo101/default.htm. And to download a lethal weapon for SEO, check out http://tools.seobook.com/firefox/seo-for-firefox.html
· Don’t forget Google Adwords. Once you have posted your resume online, use pay-per-click search marketing techniques to get your resume into the hands of industry peers. Would you like to have your resume seen by Bill Gates? Buy the keywords [Bill Gates] and wait for Mr. Gates to “Google” himself. See http://www.marketingheadhunter.com/2006/10/ppc_advertising.html

Everyone Is Searching For A Job

2009-02-01T09:46:00.004-05:00

A Dear Friend …

… of mine spent 14 months looking for a new job. It was 2006. The economy was hot. He was a very competent ecommerce executive, and his resume was a showcase of great companies and meaningful experience. On paper, there was no reason the guy should have had trouble. But he did. And at $80K per year in lost earnings, it was costing him a bundle to look for a job. Credit card debt began to mount up. He had to refinance his house and live on the equity, he chewed into his savings, and he began to fight with his wife – who couldn’t understand what the problem was. So what happened? Why did it take so long for him to find his next job? Well, we’ll get into that. But the short answer is that he was great at doing his job, but he was lousy at marketing himself.

Let’s start with the obvious: If you are open to new career opportunities, then you already know that being in a dead-end white collar job sucks. And being an unemployed executive is worse. This post will explain everything I know about how you can get a better job – and how to find and manage the recruiters who might help you along the way. Wonderful recruiters are out there, if you know where to look.

“You are a star in a densely packed universe.”

The reality is that being a recruiter is a little like being a triage nurse in an emergency room. Information technology has never made it easier to apply for a job, and the average recruiter gets several hundred resumes and phone calls for every search he conducts. Recruiters must make intelligent decisions about who gets seen – often in the blink of an eye. This applies to both corporate recruiters and third-party recruiters.

But here’s where it gets ugly.

Monster has 44 million resumes. CareerBuilder has 17 million. HotJobs has millions. Dice still more. LinkedIn has 13 million bios, and Facebook millions more. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Specialized third-party recruiters have thousands of highly-qualified professionals in their house database. Plus whatever’s on the Worldwide Web. For recruiters, finding great candidates isn’t like finding a needle in a haystack. It’s more like finding a needle in a stack of needles. As a job seeker, that’s what you are up against.

It gets even worse: Many (and some cynics say most) of these candidates have falsified their resumes to make themselves appear more accomplished than they are. Indeed, the old joke in the executive search business is that “You are only perfect twice in your life – at birth, and on your resume.” Through countless interviews and reference checks, recruiters are paid to separate the wheat from the chaff. And it’s not always easy to spot a fake.

Think of it this way: For any company, each open job requisition is a microcosm of the NCAA “March Madness” basketball tournament. As a candidate, your first task is to emerge from the thousands of unknown (blood-doping, steroid-taking) entrants to the Sweet 16 … then to the Great 8 … then to the Final 4 … and finally to the championship game.

This resource will focus on getting you to the Great 8.

Typically, face-to-face interviews don’t happen until you make it that far in the process. However, you have much more control than you think with regard to making it that far in an executive search – if you do the five things listed in the next post.....